Bridesmaidery: Wedding Day Bridal Survival Kit

Before NY was shut down by Hurricane Sandy, it was lit up by Mike and Lindsey.

{photo by Sara, yes THAT Sara, who YES! does weddings!}

I’ve barely finished uploading my photos from Lindsey and Mike’s incredible bookstore nuptials, and this weekend, I’ll hold Randi’s train as she walks down the aisle (figuratively, not literally. I’ll be walking down the aisle holding a bouquet like a normal bridesmaid) to marry the ever-awesome Adam. Did you know I’ve known Randi since mommy-and-me? (The one where I was the me, instead of the Mommy.)

{I have really good looking friends, huh?}

And despite my old married self feeling a little rusty and dusty when it came to wedding-y things, Randi and Lindsey are the kind of friends you dust yourself off for, and thus I’ve spent the last couple months traipsing happily through bridesmaidsville getting my hands dirty with day-of schedules, signage, speeches, fancy bustles, graphic design emergencies, rehearsal bouquets, mani-pedis, spray tans, obsessive body-waxing, and perhaps most importantly, the Wedding Day Survival Kit. Because a good bridesmaid doesn’t forget the booze come crunch time.

Let’s begin, shall we?

Every bride’s kit is going to be different…consider the woman in question, the event locale, and of course, the worst-case scenarios (which, really, wedding-day problems could be it’s whole own meme of otherwise insignificant events turned probable meltdown triggers). At Sara’s wedding I had a zipper malfunction and had to be sewn in to my dress as a result {who am I kidding, I bent over and split a seam} and at Lindsey’s wedding one of her bustle ties snapped…so let’s start with the obvious THREAD IN EVERY COLOR ANY MEMBER OF THE BRIDAL PARTY IS WEARING. Moving down the line of wardrobe and/or beauty disasters to avert, consider boob tape, zit cream, individual faux eyelashes, hemorrhoid cream for puffy eyes, spray-on bronzer for destination weddings where unsightly suntans are likely,  spare bobbypins, spare hairties, some really really good body lotion so everybody shimmers, and an extra razor never killed anybody. {Alright fine but you know what I mean.} Actually, I’m just going to make you a list.

  • Thread (IN EVERY COLOR ANY MEMBER OF THE BRIDAL PARTY IS WEARING)
  • Chapstick
  • Q-Tips
  • Tissues
  • Hair Spray
  • Bobbypins/Hairbands
  • Eyelashes/Glue
  • Allergy Medication (what if the MOH is allergic to the bouquet?!)
  • Emergen-C
  • Hemorrhoid Cream
  • Bronzer/spray-on hose
  • Something highly caffeinated (5 hour energy? Jolt gum?)
  • Some sort of downer (rescue remedy is a great option unless you’re in Colorado or Washington or have access to some good benzos)
  • Granola bars/candy/snacks
  • straws for drinking with lipstick on
  • emery board
  • Nail polish in bride/bridesmaids color of choice
  • Band-Aids
  • Breath Mints
  • Lady Products
  • Stain Stick
  • HARD LIQUOR

Wrap it all up with a bow, and make sure it makes it to the bridal suite. (Which by the way you should also decorate sexily, or at very least, ensure that it’s cleaned up properly from any bridal-party-getting-ready mayhem. Nobody wants to move a bunch of discarded dress bags off their marital bed before consummating.)

{photo also by Sara.}

{For more on Lindsey’s day, just visit the hashtag #mikepluslindsey on Twitter or Instagram, because they are obviously geniuses.}

And finally, speaking of speeches (I did too speak of speeches, it was a few paragraphs ago) did I tell you guys about how Tara and Carmen and I totally freaked out everybody at Lindsey and Mike’s awesome wedding by doing our own accidentally convincing rendition of Kristin Wiig and Rose Byrne’s dueling bridesmaids speech?
Oh, well we did.  It was pretty awesome.

Oh wait, I almost forgot the crowning jewel of our bridesmaidery for Lindsey…high from our successful speech, Tara and I decided to do this to the Honeymoon suite:

Stay Tuned: Next week? My best friend(s) wedding(s) Randi edition! 

4 Responses to Bridesmaidery: Wedding Day Bridal Survival Kit

  1. iamahoneybee says:

    awesome speeches. hilarious. the 3 of you are too funny

  2. This is so full of awesome! My sister was the most amazing maid of honor ever. Right down to helping me change my underwear underneath my dress 10 minutes before I walked down the aisle because it was suddenly bothering me and I could NOT get over it and almost started crying.

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  4. Omg ‘DO IT’!?! I love this post! So funny!

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