Category Archives: The Trivial

Pump Up the Jam.

Happy Sunday.    That’s me, getting ready to go do some Power Pilates , which has pretty much been saving my life lately.   Make no mistake.   Power pilates is not like regular pilates.   Every week I let Lisa persecute my ass six ways from Sunday and I sweat out so much aggravation in the process it’s incredible.

I mean, obviously it’s brutally horrible.   Most of the time I want to vomit while I watch my sweat pool up on the proformer (reformer?  the machine you do this crazy-ass sato-pilates on) but when Lisa trots by with her stop watch and tells me “c’mon.  It’s one more minute.  You can do anything for a minute.”  I totally believe her, and my ass has never looked better.   Seriously.   Even when I was 30 lbs lighter my ass wasn’t this tight.   And I can feel my abs engaging again.  But that’s not why I do it.   I do it because for one hour a week, my body is working for ME.   I’ve been rented out for so long to Babymaking, Inc. that it’s cathartic to spend an hour torturing my body on my own behalf.   That, and Lisa has really good taste in workout tunes.

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To the Rescue.

Ummm…

I tried to pick the least offensive picture I could find to top this post so that you could understand how the {delicately named} Super Kegel is used.   Because if I had led off with this image of what essentially appears to be a thigh master for your cooch ~

~ I can only imagine where the mind might take you.    Says the manufacturer:

Verseo Super Kegel Pelvic Muscle Thigh Exerciser. Strengthen pelvic muscles while you tone and tighten thighs, buttocks, and abs with the Super Kegel Exerciser. Place this vinyl-padded stainless steel exerciser between your thighs. There’s an adjustable tension setting that allows you to practice intimate body conditioning at your convenience, in the privacy of your own home. Regular exercise with the Super Kegel helps tone and strengthen pelvic floor muscles as it helps slim and tighten thighs, buttocks, and lower abdominal muscles. Steel exerciser has a padded vinyl cover. Includes a 9-page booklet* and detailed exercise chart. BENEFITS OF THE SUPER KEGEL: -For both men and women** -Instructional exercise chart included -Improves bladder control -Alleviates back pain -Enhances sexual pleasure -Strenghtens muscles -Safe and easy to use

So basically, if you want your vagina to be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound – the Super Kegel is for you.    [snare drum, symbol crash.]

* What they hell could they be explaining for NINE PAGES? Isn’t that the beauty of the Super Kegel?   The instructions are right there in the clever name.

**While I shudder to imagine the dude who might want to use a Super Kegel, the suggestion that a man even COULD use such a thing raises quite a few questions…because uh…it seems like there would be some logistical issues that if not properly considered could result in a pretty serious injury…or two.

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Retail Therapy

Yesterday I was feeling kind of blue.   Just one of those days, you know?   When life kind of catches up with you, and you feel like you’ll never get out from under your to-do list, and the sky is kind of gloomy, and your baby is cutting two teeth at once, and you just kind of wish you could be someone else for the afternoon…those are the days I’m talking about here.

And when I have days like that, and I feel like I’m climbing the walls there is really only one thing that I can do to center myself:    I go to Target.

Super Target. I can bask in the florescent lighting and wander through aisles of crap I don’t need for hours on end.   It’s my happy place.   And before Dee was born, it was where I would go to do my best thinking.    Writer’s block?   Target.    Family crisis?   Target.   A raging case of the PMS?   Oh yeah – Target.

But then one day, just before Delilah was born, the customer service department at my local store nearly sent me into labor from pure rage during a return gone awry.   I walked out of my beloved Super Target that day swearing I’d never look back.   A week later I had Dee, and my private outings were a thing of the past anyway.   So it’s been a while since me and Le Target Boutique have had one of our little rendezvous.   But yesterday, as I mentioned, I was feeling kind of blue.    And I didn’t know what to do with myself, or Delilah – who refused to eat the apple puree I made her for breakfast, and all of our baby food storage was full, and our small tupperware was in the dishwasher, and we were out of saran wrap, and I steamed and pureed those damn apples myself, so I was NOT about to just feed them to the garbage disposal.   So I grabbed a cooler full of teething rings and off to Target we went, in hopes that maybe MY happy place could be OUR happy place.

And lo and behold…a hot pretzel and an hour later we returned home new women.   Target to the rescue.   Ready to nap.    Ready to write.   Ready to conquer the world.

What’s in the bag? (clockwise, from top) -

  • Munchkin Booty Bags (okay that’s not what they’re called, but what do you do if you are somewhere that you can’t throw a poop away, or worse, when your baby vomits all over herself multiple times during an awkward run in with a former colleague, and you don’t want to throw her entire outfit away?)
  • Just One Year Baby Headbands (I couldn’t find these anywhere on line, but they are some of the best baby headbands I’ve found – not too frilly, and not too tight.   There were four in the package, but Dee was already modeling one by the time I took this photo.)
  • A double-pack of Softlips.   Because (thanks to Sara) I am finally figuring out which things I need two of so that when I need to switch between diaper bag and purse all I’m grabbing for are my phone and wallet.
  • Gerber Bunch-A-Bowls With Lids. This was the impetus for the Target outing in the first place.  I had no idea how often she would not be finishing her snacks/hating on apples once she got started on solids, and baby bowls with lids suddenly became a necessity.
  • A GPS holding mat for my car, because I thought it was illegal to stick things to your windshield in the state of California.   Apparently the Governator actually did something for once, because as it turns out that law was repealed last year (who knew?  Obviously not me, until I googled for a link to the weird law and found this) but I already opened the package, I’m still happy not to have my GPS mounted on my windshield.   Ah well.
  • HappyBaby Organic Puffs.  I am pretty psyched about these.  They have about 1/2 the sugar of the Gerber puffs and [as the name suggests] they are completely organic.   I’ve also been experimenting with their Oatmeal with DHA (so far the only organic oatmeal I’ve come across with DHA in our local stores) which Dee seems to love, but our old favorite Earth’s Best Oatmeal still takes the cake for least ingredients I can’t pronounce (with ZERO) so we’ve been switching back and forth between the two.
  • And lastly, Munchkin Snack Catchers, which are just awesome.   (And proving quite entertaining to Delilah.)

Well, I feel better.   Don’t you?

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Lucky Charm

Happy St. Paddy’s Day, from Mini Elton John.

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It’s a Big World.

…the guy’s gotta rest sometime.   Spotted outside of [the now defunct] Wacky Waffles on Sunset Blvd,  blowing off some steam,  12/26/05.   Merry X-Mas.

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