Category Archives: Wellness

Self-Explanatory.

Jun 21 0 comments
Growing a Human, Wellness

Summer.

photoToday officially marks the beginning of summer, and I for one couldn’t be happier.   Despite the fact that I’ve swelled up like a water balloon and people keep pitying me for having to be pregnant all through the hot hot Valley summer (seriously, it’s 10 degrees hotter here…that’s not just a cute tagline) I welcome the opportunity to wear minimal clothes and float around in the pool, where it doesn’t matter how much water weight you’re packin’ (or baby weight for that matter) because everyone is weightless.   And damn, that feels good.

I hadn’t really experienced swelling in pregnancy until a few weeks ago when I noticed that my ankle bones had disappeared.   I’d been warned of this phenomenon by other pregnant women, so naturally I chalked it up to the fact that I’m (most likely psychosomatically) experiencing every text book pregnancy symptom ever recorded, put on my support hose, and hopped on a plane to NY.   By the time we landed in the big apple, the swelling had engulfed my knees.   Now, I’m swollen just about everywhere.   My arms.   My face.   My thighs.  And I can forget about wearing my wedding rings until I’ve popped this sucker out.   (I know, you’re probably all thinking “keep telling yourself that’s swelling, honey” but my Doctor confirmed it.   And she’s a Doctor.   So there.)

Anyway – after a mini-scare that all the swelling might be related to the terrifying pregnancy condition preeclampsia, the Doc’s determined that my blood pressure remains low, my little one remains happy and healthy in the womb where she belongs, and it appears that for whatever reason, I’m just retaining a bit more water than your average pregnant girl.  The prescription?   Having an awesome summer.   That’s right.   I’m supposed to relax, put my feet up whenever possible, eat as much fruit and protein as I can muster (BBQ anyone?) and swim to my heart’s content (to take the pressure off my joints and allow some of this water to find it’s way to my bladder and the hell out of me.)   Sure, I’ve got to avoid carbs and salt – which totally blows – but I’m focusing on the positive here.

So this morning, after the horrifying endeavor of trying to squeeze my big white pregnant butt into a swimsuit, I sprayed on the sunscreen (leaving the above pictured imprint of my foot grease-stained into our backyard concrete) and went for a dip.   And let me tell you – I have never felt such sweet relief.   I think I’ll do it again tomorrow.

 Subscribe

May 18 4 comments
Baby Fever, Videos, Wellness

Nope, it's not a dildo…

051409_sz_ultrasound

It’s a portable ultrasound machine for your [windows based] cell phone.  (Although in my bachelorette party-planning days I did stumble across a dildo that hooks up to the iPod playlist of your choice.)  Unfortch, I have an iPhone, so I won’t be able to see my wee one while I wait at the car wash, or when someone’s running late for a meeting.   But seriously.   SERIOUSLY?   It’s not enough that pregnant women all over the world are already over-analyzing their baby’s evey in utero movement with DIY home dopplers?   No, no…hormonal hyperactive anxiety balls need just one more reason to have a panic attack when they can’t locate their unborn child on their CELL PHONE.

If you’re curious about how an abomination of technology like this would work – here you go:

 Subscribe

Feb 06 0 comments
Bridal Has-Been, Wellness

Wii Warrior

wii-fit-warrior

So, the real pose is called Virabhadrasana, and apparently the variation that appears on Wii Fit is technically Virabhadrasana 2 (or Warrior 2) but I’m officially making this my first Wii Fit Yoga Pose of the day.

About the Warrior Pose/Virabhadrasana:

It may seem strange to name a yoga pose after a warrior; after all, aren’t yogis known for they’re non-violent ways? But remember that one of the most revered of all the yoga texts, the Bhagavad-Gita, is the dialog between two famous and feared warriors, Krishna and Arjuna, set on a battlefield between two great armies spoiling for a fight. What’s really being commemorated in this pose’s name, and held up as an ideal for all practitioners, is the “spiritual warrior,” who bravely does battle with the universal enemy, self-ignorance (avidya), the ultimate source of all our suffering.  — Yoga Journal

I’m not an excerciser.  In fact, until I bought an elliptical machine off of craigslist as a part of OPERATION FIT INTO VERA WANG GOWN IF IT LITERALLY KILLS ME, I hadn’t had a regular work-out regime since I played AYSO at Balboa Park; Region 33 – woot woot.   (Long story short, I bought a gown at a sample sale 11 months before my wedding that was four sizes too small for me…going bridal makes you do crazy things.)   Unfortunately, as it turns out, despite the fact that I had to lose 30 lbs to fit into that gown, I am truly a lazy asshole at heart and once the wedding was no longer the carrot on the end of my work-out stick, I found it increasingly difficult to maintain what I had worked so hard for only a few months earlier.   Getting up at dawn to work out sucks.   There’s no two ways about it.

And then, for our collective birthday (Scott and I are five days apart) my parents bought us a Wii Fit.   Now I’m a dedicated [Wii] Yogii.   Go figure.   In this age of anxiety, doing a little bit of measured breathing and morning stretching has proven a welcome addition to my otherwise lazy lifestyle.

I like doing yoga on the Wii, because first of all, it doesn’t make me feel like a phony.   Having never been to a yoga class in my life, I’d feel like a total poser (no pun intended) trying all of these (potentially dangerous) moves in my living room if it weren’t for the calm guidance of my Wii trainer.   My Wii insults me (seriously, it’s called me fat and old a few times already,) mocks me (“Wow.  Looks like balance isn’t your strong suit.   Do you find yourself walking into walls a lot?”), pushes me (it calls me out when I put my foot down or my legs start to shake,) and encourages me (no matter how many times you fall off the balance board it always says “great job!” when you’re finished.)    It’s like a nicer Jackie Warner has taken up residence in the corner of my living room.   It even encouraged me to go out and buy…wait for it…a yoga DVD!     Who knows…I might end up taking a yoga class yet.

(If you’ve got a Wii Fit and you want to push yourself a little further, Yogi Alicia King put together this great resource for Suite101 which gives you some variations to try if those first 14 poses start to get stale – including the illusive Warrior 1!)   Check it out HERE.

 Subscribe

Nov 24 1 comments
The Not-So-Trivial, Wellness

Got a little Captain in You?

captainmorgan2

I do.   Yup.   I have somehow managed to become a part of the statistical anomaly of adults living in developed countries to have been diagnosed with Scurvy.

As Wikipedia puts it:

Untreated scurvy is invariably fatal. Since all that is required for a full recovery is the resumption of normal vitamin C intake, death from scurvy is rare in modern times.

What does it feel like to have scurvy?  Well, for one you feel pretty stupid, when even your doctor has to stifle an incredulous laugh as he delivers your blood panel results.   (Which really pales in comparison to how stupid you feel once the people in your life who AREN’T obligated to hold their tongues hear the news.)

Other than that, just weak, and sick, and depressed.   So you know – normal by most people’s standards.

Yes, I know it’s not the year 1600, and yes, I know I’m not sailing the Seven Seas.   And yet the fact remains.   So lock up ‘yer loved ones me matey’s,’cause I’m pretty sure rapin’ and pillaging arrr a side effect of yee ‘olde wretched ailment that arrrr nary too far behind.

 Subscribe