Depending on the source you consult – a week from today, I will be 26 weeks and 3 days pregnant, and therefore entering my 3rd Trimester.   (Pregnancy sources are all over the place in terms of dating and tracking your pregnancy.)    My Mother-In-Law pointed out to me this week, that after reading through a bunch of my blog posts in one sitting, she noticed that I have nothing nice to say about pregnancy.   (She wasn’t picking on me – I have a pretty-freaking-awesome Mother-In-Law – she was just teasing me as I floated in her pool in an attempt to get things circulating.)   Now, it’s not that I’m trying to be a hater – I’m grateful to be pregnant, and I love it on the level that I’m growing our baby and all – but let’s be honest, sometimes pregnancy doesn’t feel like quite the miracle it’s made out to be by those glowing, cheerful, smug Mamas-to-be.   When I found out we were expecting, I had the distinct feeling that all of the Moms I knew were suddenly being honest with me about the nitty gritty – almost gleefully filling me in on the horrors that come with being pregnant, and I couldn’t help but feel a little betrayed – HOW COME NOBODY HAD TOLD ME ANY OF THIS SHIT BEFORE?!

But I am your friend, non-pregnant women, and I will not lie to you.   There are some days that being a human incubator sucks.   You may vomit 3-6 times a day.   [Sucks.]   You may watch as your feet swell up to the size of watermelons.  [Sucks.]  You may not poop for weeks.  [Sucks.]   You may have heartburn the likes of which you have never seen.   [Sucks.]   Your sense of smell may rival that of a blood hound – allowing you to smell all kinds of unusually unpleasant aromas that normally blend in with the smog, and may result in more vomiting.  [Sucks.]   You may get kicked in the cervix for an hour straight.  [Sucks.]   You may find that one of your ribs has dislodged and is stabbing you in the back.  [Sucks.]   You may pee a little when you sneeze.  [Sucks.]  Strangers will touch you.  [Weird, and Sucks.]  And don’t even get me started on pregnancy farts.   You will not be able to blame those noxious gases on the dog.   Oh, and have I mentioned that people will call you fat to your face and think they’re being complimentary?    [Fuck those people.]

But there is a silver lining.   You get to be pregnant.   You get to feel your child moving and growing inside of you, and [so long as they're keeping their damn feet off your cervix] that is a really amazing thing.    You will get to cut in line in public restrooms.   If you live in a city with public transportation, people will offer you their seat.   When you stop at the take-out counter, they’ll almost always throw something in for free (people seem to really want to feed pregnant women.)   Generally, the world is a little nicer when you’re pregnant.   For me, pregnancy has meant clear skin.   It has meant that Scott will give me a foot rub occasionally.  Little kids will regard your blooming belly as a thing of wonder.  Trust me ladies – it has it’s positives.   And I haven’t even gotten to the baby part yet.   From what I hear (after the first 3 months,) there’s nothing greater.   If the way I feel now about my little eggplant is any indication, I’m inclined to believe it.

[Given, there are some women who float through their nine months - no nausea, no swelling, no mood swings, no cravings, no aches and pains, and most infuriating of all: no significant weight gain.   I am not one of those women.    There are also women dealing with a whole host of very serious pregnancy symptoms which thankfully I haven't had to deal with.    As much as I complain, it's not lost on me that I'm still one of the lucky ones.]

And for good measure – here’s my answers to the requisite Pregnant Blogger questionnaire for week 25:
How far along? 25 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: I’ll be honest about symptoms, but not about this.
Stretch marks? No thank you.
Sleep: I’m getting it – but the dreams are getting weirder and weirder.
Best moment this week: Realizing that swimming actually does help with the insane swelling of my hands/face/feet/entire self.
Movement: Yes, and as previously mentioned, she seems to have settled on my cervix as her favorite punching bag.
Food cravings: Is it salty?   I want it.
Gender: Girl.
Labor Signs: None, unless you count the very faint Braxton Hicks contractions I’ve started feeling.
Belly Button in or out? In.  But stretched so wide my belly looks surprised.
What I miss: Seeing my feet.
What I am looking forward to: Getting our damn stuff into storage so we can start on the nursery.
Weekly Wisdom: Water starts to taste gross when you are forced to drink 100 oz of it.
Milestones: Getting all these cute little girl clothes from Jessica, and starting to be able to imagine the tiny person that will fit in them.

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Related posts:

1. Pregnant Women are People Too.
2. There’s an Alien in my stomach.
3. Low Rider
4. Summer.
5. For whom the belly tolls.