Normally, I like to keep my belly self-portraits confined to the belly, but this week, in hopes that it will be the last picture I take, I thought I should record myself in all of my swollen glory – my engorged nose and sausage fingers are providing plenty of fuel for my raging body dysmorphia, even as I do my best to ignore the tree trunks that have swallowed my legs. And although it may look like I stuffed a watermelon under my shirt, that is actually just a really really low riding baby. Look at her. Is it any wonder my pelvis feels like it’s splitting in two after having been beaten mercilessly with one of those spikey-balls on a chain things that were all the rage in medieval torture chambers?
Also – people (mainly random strangers) really need to stop asking me if I’m “sure it’s not twins.” It happens pretty much every day now. Even though I’m pretty certain this is one of those stupid default things people say to pregnant women when they’re trying to be cute, I’m keeping track and I’ll be stabbing each and every one of those motherfuckers in my dreams tonight.
How far along? 38 weeks.
Total weight gain/loss: Shut up.
Stretch marks? My knees and ankles are getting stretch marks from the sheer pressure of the edema. SUCKS.
Sleep: Awful. Just effing awful.
Best moment this week: The great hair color debacle of ’09 is finally over. I’m blond again just in time to match my blond baby. At least I hope she’s blond, or I’m probably getting divorced.
Movement: Like an adorable little alien.
Food cravings: I just love all food. Milkshakes. Cheeseburgers. Blueberries. If it’s food, I crave it.
Gender: Girl.
Labor Signs: Not enough.
Belly Button in or out? In.
What I miss: Walking like I didn’t just ride cross-country on a horse. The waddle is just humiliating.
What I am looking forward to: Meeting my baby. C’mon little girl. Let’s do this.
Weekly Wisdom: The stranger touching and space invading only increases as I get less comfortable and more cranky. Dangerous combination.
Milestones: I think the next big milestone will be squeezing a human out of my lady bits. If there’s one I’m forgetting, don’t remind me.
Related posts:
Yay!!! You look great and I really love that sweater. Super cute. You sound ready, Mo! I can’t wait!!!
[Reply]
I am here from the SITS site, I wanted to say “Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest”….and a new follower, too!!!!
I love your post. Reminds he of my baby days. I had one of my sons in late August, and we live in Houston, HOT! I feel your pain. Your writing style is too funny.
Jennifer´s last blog ..Things Kids Say Thursday’s #3
[Reply]
Congratulations!! How exciting for you – my niece turns one this coming Wednesday and I’ve loved every second with her (and can’t wait for my own), so I’ll definitely check back and read more! Thanks for stopping by my blog, and happy Saturday SITS Sharefest!
Jennifer – Somewhere In Between´s last blog ..Did I Mention It’s Award Season?
[Reply]
I’m sorry ppl are saying that to you but relieved because it used to happen to me all the time and I would think can they hear themselves? Do the realize how rude that is? I’d know if I has having f-ing twins. I think you look swell! xoxo
SC
[Reply]
Hi! Thanks for the comment! Ahh, the fun of being pregnant! You’re going to love having a girl!
Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!
Lori
Lori´s last blog ..eBooks Review: Wizz-e.com
[Reply]
Look at how cute you look! And you still have your sense of humor at this stage in the pregnancy. That’s remarkable in and of itself.
p.s. Thanks for stopping by my blog when I was SITS featured blogger!
joy´s last blog ..joy to the blog’s cute & creepy halloween giveaway! {mostly cute}
[Reply]
HI! I came across your blog from topbabyblogs, and sice youre having a GIRL, I wanted to share my site with you!
http://www.sugarandspice1.etsy.com
http://www.sugarandspice4baby.blogspot.com
Good luck!
Lexi´s last blog ..Support children with Cancer!
[Reply]
YOU LOOK GORGEOUS
If it’s any consolation, I actually wish I looked like you, swollen and all …and I hope for the sake of your marriage, little D has blonde hair as well .lol.
…love Maegan´s last blog ..Completely Gratuitous Outfit Post
[Reply]
you are so beautiful! … that bathroom looks so baby ready! My kids are totally missing out on that frog like contraption (umm sorry, looks like a frog…either way, they are missing out)….very cool! So sorry about the sleep..bleh,just wretched, I remember just being up every waking hour in the dark, tossing and turning and begging BEGGING to go into labor…she’ll be here soon..I went into labor on a Saturday with my first….had him just past midnight Sunday…are you in labor now?
hehe
Iva´s last blog ..Finding Your Calling
[Reply]
OMG, almost time! Thanks for sharing the picture, cannot wait to see one of your baby girl.
MyHormonesMadeMeDoIt´s last blog ..Hooter Hider Winner!
[Reply]
You look fabulous! You are riding low there, I know how you feel. Thank goodness I felt that way about 2 years ago and never again! You’ll do great! Girls are THE BEST!
Found you through SITS. You’re quite a funny gal.
Joanna @ The Casa´s last blog ..I won! I won!
[Reply]
YOU LOOK INCREDIBLE! Stunning, I can’t wait to meet her seriously she is one lucky girl to have you and scott as her parents.
xoxooxoxox
Well wishes for a great week and a THURSDAY baby we are gonna be just like kindred spirits.
Smootch hugs and love to all 3 of you.
[Reply]