This would be more urgent if I were famous.

My Sister-In-Law Maegan is a very smart girl. She taught me that if you want something really fancy for your birthday, you tell everyone close that you want gift cards to the same place (say, Bloomies) and voila! Budget for that new Marc Jacobs bag!

Well, guess what?  It TOTALLY works. (Especially when Maegan and her Mama – aka MeMa Ann Marie – are two of the people insisting upon buying you birthday presents – have I mentioned I love my in-laws!)

Only I didn’t want a new Marc Jacobs bag {although I wouldn’t kick one out of bed} but I did want some new “30 and Ready to Kick Ass at Life” Shades. So off to bloomies with my collection of gift cards I went.  Only…I went alone.  And the woman who was helping me?  Her two sweet daughters got there to take her to dinner to celebrate that one of them just found out she got her first job out of college, and she couldn’t leave until I picked my sunglasses, so there was a LOT of pressure involved in this decision.

And of course, stores no longer want you to take pictures of anything they have in stock because…you know…the internet doesn’t exist and I can’t find pictures of the same shit online anyway.   Stupid.

[Did I tell you I got booted from stupid Forever 21 for taking pictures of the fucking escalator?   Because honestly – who needs a two story Forever 21, and where does the escalator on the top floor of the mall lead to? Well it’s true.  To which my new friend Laura hilariously replied ~ “What, are they afraid you’re going to find a cheaper knock off?” Anyway, I major digress.]

Pair #1.  Chanel.  Chanel is like, super ass-kicking life-changing fancy.  And I don’t own ANYTHING with that Coco signature quilting on it.

Man, I love option #1.

Option #2, Ballenciaga and slightly more than my gift cards would cover.  But still hot in the running because I have practically no sense at all when it comes to finances.

I’m blaming my idiotic face on the fact that the nice saleswoman and her two daughters
were trying to shield me from security so I could take this picture.   Very stressful.

But I knew Scott would be all:  “Yeah, those are great – they look just like every other pair of gigantic sunglasses you own.” Which also kept me from going back to try on the Gucci pair with the amazing vintage stripe sides.

So on to option #3 ~ also Chanel.

They teach you in like first grade not to let people take photos of you from that angle.
And yet, there I am.

So?  I went with #3.  Even though both Maegan and Bethany voted for other options.  And they are style EXPERTS (which I am clearly not) so I was really nervous about that.  I felt all “am I doing the right thing?” but the salesladies daughters assured me that option #3 was the classic pair, and I was afraid Scott would kill me if I spent the extra $$$ on option #2, and then I heard “these are limited edition” and dammit aren’t I a sucker, I was sold.

But now I keep thinking about Pair #1.  Or that I made a rush decision.  I don’t fucking know.  It’s not brain surgery.  But they are going to be my “30 and Ready to Kick Ass at Life” glasses, so that’s pretty important too, right?

Feed Me Seymour