Yesterday, my housekeeper of 20 years got a full time job offer from another family, and told us she would be leaving. I’m so happy for her that she’ll have benefits and a daily gig. But then I put the phone down and sat down on the floor and cried.
Dora started coming to my parents house a couple of times a week when I was a child, and when I had a child of my own, she started coming to my house (thanks to my Sis and Brother in Law) once a week to help keep things under control around here. And when I really started struggling with postpartum depression, Dora started to help me care for Delilah. For my Thirtieth Birthday, she voluntarily catered with homemade tamales.
On Monday, as you may know, Sara will move to New York. So will Dashiell and Finn, who I watched enter the world, and Sean. I can’t bear to think about it. When Delilah asks to see Dash, my heart literally aches because I know that next week she’ll ask and I won’t be able to explain to her that she can’t play with them for a while. I become consumed with the thought that I can somehow stop it from happening, but I know that I can’t. Part of me is leaving for New York next week and I can’t do anything but wish it weren’t true.
And the divorce of close friends has me floundering to find a way to support these people I love and care about so deeply while
secretly mourning the loss of the way things were. I know it’s selfish but it’s true. Growing up is hard. Pain that’s real is so different from the imaginary pain of the months and months of my postpartum abyss. I don’t want any of these things to be happening, but they are.
So I’m sad, friends and lurkers. I feel really sad. But I think that’s okay. Even though I wish it weren’t true. And yet it’s kind of fascinating to feel this way again. To live in the real world and give a fuck.
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One more thing…actually two more things. A word about giveaways if you will. Scott absorbed another pet care business into his own recently (which is AWESOME and I am SUPER PROUD of him) but as a result we’ve tightened our purse strings a bit around here until we settle into it, and I got kind of freaked out and took on a LOT of sponsored content. And then deadlines changed and all of a sudden, here I am with a week of sponsored content in my cue, and I don’t want you guys to think I’ve gone and given up on you, or sold my soul or anything like that, it’s just that a bunch of products/causes I actually like/care about asked me to do reviews and/or giveaways once upon and time, and I said yes, and suddenly all of those things are supposed to go live, like, RIGHT NOW. So I’m sorry if things feel a little “brand-y” around here for the next few days. But it’s all good stuff, I promise.
Also, I want you guys to know that I work really hard to make sure review posts (which are always disclosed) are still stories I want to tell you and stuff I generally would share anyway. That’s it. I just want you to know.