Every so often it happens. Life gets in the way and I forget why I have a blog to begin with. Like, I forget that it’s not supposed to be horrible and stressful, and that at the end of the day it’s a hobby not a job…I think.
But…it kind of IS a job some days. (Well, every day since I started blogging professionally, but THIS site should still be pure fun for me, right?)
So I’ve given this site a face lift in hopes of bursting through the sludge of blog block and getting my favorite form of therapy back…because the real thing is getting DAMN expensive…
I finally weaned off of xanax this week and I’m trying to find my balance now that I’m no longer sedated. I also haven’t slept for more than two hours straight since Sunday. The personality thief did quite a number on me, and ultimately it was time for me to take control of my own mental health. Dependency on a prescription wasn’t something I was comfortable with but I let it go on for way too long because anxiety and withdrawal wasn’t something I was comfortable with either.
As I amp up my own self-care, it becomes apparent that other aspects of my care need to be evaluated as well. A week without xanax, and suddenly life isn’t as irritating and blurry as it was just a week ago. My anti-depressant which no one could understand why it wasn’t managing my anxiety seems to be doing a better job than any of us thought without the added two prescriptions I was needlessly taking. Frustrating and liberating all at once. My OB and therapist are amazing but I think everyone will be more effective with ME as an active player on the team, rather than a heavily sedated bystander.
Now about those night terrors that have cropped up since the wean…
And how have you been friends and lurkers? What do you think of the new look-in-progress? (I tried to hand draw a new header for it, but I forgot I couldn’t draw worth a shit, so I made you that nice interim header instead. Enjoy.)