Hip to Big Kid Stuff

A couple of months ago, Dee and I were at Super Target (where I now do so much of my grocery shopping because HOLY HELL is it well priced there) and passed by the newborn section.  She spotted a bear rattle and {like she says about pretty much everything cuddly she lays eyes on} she announced: “Mommy, I want that bear.”

“Aw, you know what?” I told her – “those are for newborn babies.  They have to stay here and wait for the babies to be born so they can cuddle them.”  It was clear I was speaking her language.  She raised her little chin, nodding and said “Oh, yeah…for BABIES.”

A few weeks later we were in another store, when Dee spotted some gardening tools that struck her fancy.  “Mommy, I want that.”  “Oh, no Dee” I began — “those stay here.”  She looked at me very seriously: “Are those for babies?”

Sure, I thought.  We’ll go with that. 

And so it was that this idea that some things were for babies, and she was too big to need those things and therefore should be a big girl and leave them for the babies to have was born.

Cut to the mall play area not too long ago.

A little girl, about Dee’s age is looking at the fish tank with a pacifier in her mouth.  Dee approaches.

“Mommy?” she asks in the least discrete whisper ever, scandalized…pointing a chubby finger directly in the little girl’s face… “IS THAT A BABY?”

I am naturally horrified.  “No, Dee – we don’t point.  She’s not a baby, she’s a little girl like you.”

The little girl just looks at Dee, blinking.

Dee’s not done though.  “But she has a binky in her mouth.  Binkies are for babies.”

The little girl promptly threw the offending binky on the floor as her Mom did a silent fist pump behind her.  Still…I felt like I had to take my kid down a notch…she had, after all, taunted this poor girl into flinging her pacifier into oblivion.

“So?” I replied.  “You suck your thumb.”

Feed Me Seymour