Can We Talk About Back Hair?

Riddle me this, blog readers…

Scott and I have been together for thirteen years. Married for five. And…y’know, when and a man and a woman share that kind of intimacy for that length of time…shit can get weird.

Here’s one of those instances: Every day…or at least often, my husband requests that I do something that he thinks is part of our marital contract. We sneak off in to the kitchen, turn all the lights on…and then I pluck his back hair and pop his bacne.

Usually, when I do this, I like to remind him that such an act is NOT part of “the maritals” but is in fact a testament to how much I love him, because it’s fucking gross and I do it anyway.  And usually, he responds by telling me “THIS IS SOMETHING THAT WIVES DO.”

Exsqueeze me baking powder Husband dear?  Wives do this?

So I asked my handsome hubby what the hell wives he’s been talking to because I talk to LOTS of wives, and I never hear ANYBODY talking about manscaping and/or minor dermatological procedures.

And yet, my husband still insists that YES, WIVES DO THIS, we just don’t talk about it.  So I asked him if he wanted me to ask some wives.  And bizarrely he did.  So here we are.  Readers and lurkers, if you are a wife, pray tell…DO YOU TWEEZE YOUR HUSBAND’S EFFING BACK FOR HIM, OR IS IT JUST ME?

//Update: I feel that I should add that Scott is not quite as hirsute as the man in the photograph, he has about twelve back hairs in total, so this isn’t an hours-long endeavor.  Y’know, just in case you were now imagining my life in a scott’s-back-hair-prison.//

Feed Me Seymour

  17 comments for “Can We Talk About Back Hair?

  1. Jacquelyn M Sheridan
    July 1, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    My husband woulnt let me touch his back-ne… He doesnt like how i pop it.. He likes to scrape them off.. Ew. He doesnt have back hair, but he has me buzz off his neck “pubes” lol.. The hair that grows in under his hairline on the back of his neck.

  2. July 1, 2012 at 9:42 pm

    I don’t pluck hairs, but yes, the bacne. It happens. And he’ll kill me for revealing this. 

  3. adele
    July 2, 2012 at 12:05 am

    i’m not even a wife yet and i do – we’ve been together nearly four years and i often wield the tweezers while he lies on the bed and we have a chat :) hahah

  4. RaisingMadison
    July 2, 2012 at 5:51 am

    omg I should not be reading this while I eat my morning yogurt. No, I don’t do either but we had been dating less than 6 months when he sunburned his shoulders so bad that I had to take care of that nightmare of blisters and peeling skin for weeks. I think it has scarred me.

  5. July 2, 2012 at 7:03 am

    …you guys…Im scared lol!OH-EM-GEE….lol ….Im not married yet and I had NO idea that this is what “WIVE DO”…lol No one tells!!!!!…until now.Thx…..but then….you have to share what “Husbands do”..lol

  6. July 2, 2012 at 7:59 am

    that’s just you.
    but to be fair, my husband has a celebrity-beautiful back.

  7. AlyGatrS
    July 2, 2012 at 8:35 am

    @the818 *raises hand…and tweezers* Right there with ya sister

  8. DarthDunebug
    July 2, 2012 at 8:38 am

    @the818 It’s nice Scott asks to be manscaped. I have to chase mine arnd the house & pin him dwn so that i can remove the hair/blackheads.

  9. angelaamman
    July 2, 2012 at 8:48 am

    There’s not much of a bacne issues over here, but back hair’s another story :( And yes, I get rid of it, because the alternative is having it there, and I don’t want that. But still…not my favorite.
     

  10. BrandyMann
    July 2, 2012 at 9:50 am

    I help look over after he has done it. Same thing with his neckline (shaved head) that is trims at least once a week. I help if I see something is missed but not part of my womanly duties. and god no on bacne. 

  11. LinzLovesYou
    July 2, 2012 at 11:33 am

    My mom and I always used to joke about sneaking up on my dad while he slept and waxing his back in one fell swoop… no wonder I can’t stand hairy dudes!
     
    Seriously though, bacne? HELL NO. 

  12. TaraBurkholder
    July 2, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Once I Naired the hair on the back of a guy I was dating.  Just once. And that was the end of that. Ick.

  13. Dawnajones71
    July 2, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    @the818 well thats one way to get people to read your blog! hahaha #wishithoughtofthatone.

    • the818
      July 2, 2012 at 7:25 pm

      @dawnajones71 @latorres I have finely honed headline writing skills. ;)

      • latorres
        July 2, 2012 at 7:37 pm

        @the818 Totally. I pluck my husband’s mole hairs. @dawnajones71

  14. littleelle
    July 3, 2012 at 9:20 am

    i’m not MARRIED, but in the summer, i definitely wax/shave my boyfriend’s back for him! it’s not super bad or anything, but he’s uncomfortable with it, so i do it for him when he asks! i don’t mind stuff like that… men have insecurities too, and if my boyfriend is comfortable enough to ask me to help him take care of it, i am more than happy to help.

  15. July 9, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    Nope. Never. My husband has asked me to find him someone to wax his back but I don’t think he could handle it.

Talk to me. Please. I'm almost always alone or with a toddler.