The Cute, The Unnecessary, and The Frivolous

It’s easy to get lost in the sea of baby gear that you start to convince yourself you’re going to need.     Snuggle Nest?   Miracle Blanket?   Video Monitor?    Wipes Warmer?   Seat Saver?   Vulli Teether? It’s maddening, and lately I find myself staring over the edge of the panic cliff wondering if I’ve just outfitted my baby with a room full of useless crap, forgetting the necessities entirely.     Still, some of the stuff is just so effing cute, it’s hard not to fantasize about all of the adorable whimsy I would be blowing money on if I had endless disposable income.   I don’t, and I know there are going to be many more baby expenses ahead, so I’m restraining myself, but a girl can dream when she’s up at 3am nursing a bad case of heartburn, can’t she?   So in tribute to the endless hours I spend wide awake in the middle of the night surfing overpriced baby sites, below are the top six least-practical, most-lusted after baby items I would buy if I could.

Like, this vintage wash NYU baby T.    I mean, everyone on the playground should know my baby has Violet/Bobcat parents, right?   Sure, I don’t have an NYU T-Shirt of my own, but how cute would she look in this?

Romp Brooklyn has a whole menagerie of wooden animal toys for your tot – this set of 3 birds is priced at $34, making it a totally practical purchase if you’re certain your baby will love staring at the Adler-esque silhouettes from his/her crib, because obviously you’re not letting your little one play with these works of art.   I want them anyway, naturally.

If I were [more] fiscally irresponsible, you can bet your ass I would have snapped up this Blondie Onesie from Black Wagon (thanks Brooke!) for my little Sunday Girl.    I make it a point to step away from the cute baby clothes, especially at 28$ a pop, but this one still manages to haunt me as I imagine an adulthood for my child that doesn’t include pictures of her showing her allegiance to Debbie Harry and clearly being the coolest.baby.ever.   Maybe I can pair it with baby fishnet stockings and tiny Doc Martens and call it her Halloween costume.

Also from Black Wagon (this store has some seriously cute gifts) are Trumpette’s hightop socks.    They’re so freaking cute I could just tear my face off right now.    I’m sticking with the multi-pack of cozy looking 5$ foot-warmers from Sears that I know will never stay on my newborn anyway, but I can imagine the endless chuckles Scott and I would have over our baby wearing high tops while she stares back at us with that “god, you guys are SO embarrassing” glare that she’s bound to perfect almost immediately.

Feeding my unhealthy obsession with baby stuff that doesn’t look like baby stuff this Teak Activity Gym from Cariboo keeps me clicking back to it’s Amazon page to admire it in all it’s modern glory.   On the bright side, my beloved Ikea carries the similar (yet probably slightly more stimulating for baby) Leka Baby Gym (for 1/8th the price) which will hopefully fill the gap the oh-so-pretty cariboo version has left in my living room, and my heart.

The hardest nonsense baby item for me not to buy has to be this Bloom Coco Stylewood Lounger. Scott and I had it on our fantasy list for a long time before we got a lecture from my sister on how it’s price-to-use ratio was seriously lacking.    (This was something that you might think we could have come to on our own, but we were having a hard time seeing past how nicely this beauty would compliment our newly upholstered-in-white Eames Chair [knockoff.])   We’ve come to our senses and decided to put the cash towards something slightly more functional (and practical – I hear the #1 use for a baby bouncer is so Mom can grab a fast shower – and I’m not sure how this bentwood masterpiece would fare after hours in the bathroom) but I still drool every time I catch a glimpse of this bad boy.

Okay, I gotta admit I’m still trying to rationalize this last one.   Baby’s first Christmas is forever, and what better way to remember it than with A Major Award Onesie from Bambinamia’s Etsy Shop?   My Little One’s Dad is going to torture her with all-day Marathon’s of A Christmas Story when the holidays roll around, and who am I to deprive her looking fabulous while he does it?    This one probably doesn’t belong on this list, because being handmade, and still one of the least expensive items shown, it’s probably got the most bang for your recession buck – plus it’s effing hilarious, but alas, here it is (if for no other reason than to share it with you guys, because I LOVE it.)