I inven’ed this friggin’ pouf.

TELL ME YOU ARE WATCHING JERSEY SHORE.    IT IS FRIGGIN’ AWESOME.

::fist pump::

Obviously I have tons of things to say about this show.   Let me just collect myself for a moment.     Oh my god, I can’t.   It’s too fantastically trashy.    But I too have lived in the shadow of  a regional stereotype…a blond white girl from the valley who drives a compact, uses “like” as verbal filler, and starts sentences in the middle.    So yeah.   I mean, it’s one thing to embrace your stereotype with a cheeky nod – but to live up to said stereotype with the unabashed commitment that these Guido’s bring to the part?  Well that’s really impressive.   And let’s not forget the Guidettes.

Jersey Shore is totally the new Rock of Love.    And what I mean by that, is that it is the new trainwreck to stare at with mouth agape, wondering how one could ever really recover from something like that to go on an rejoin society as a contributing member.  ‘Cause really – once all of your potential future employers have seen you try to operate the duck phone/remove a girl’s thong with your teeth in a hot tub/do backflips in a miniskirt sans underwear/SERIOUSLY INSERT SPECTACLE OF BAD TASTE AND JUDGMENT HERE BECAUSE THEY’RE DOING IT ON THAT SHOW – I have to imagine any and all hopes of a professional life are out the window.    Unless you want to open up your own shop doing nappy hair extensions.   Because JWoww’s probably got that market cornered.

And clearly this show SCREAMS for it’s own drinking game.   Except if you tried to drink every time they said Guido, you’d probably drop dead on the spot.    So maybe you drink when they talk about tanning.    Or when someone compliments DJ Pauly D’s hair un-ironically.    Or when Snooki gets socked in the face.    Sounds fun, right?    And don’t even get me started on the sound bytes.   Like: “I’m too good for this job.   I’m a bartender.   I do like…great things” (courtesy of self proclaimed “cock block” Angelina) or  “If you don’t love The Situation, I’m gonna MAKE YOU love The Situation.”   (…never has rape sounded so SEXY.)    So yeah.   Watch Jersey Shore.   Because before you know it, someone is bound to get offended enough to have this show taken off the air, and you’re not going to want to have missed it when it’s gone.