Purgeday Thursday on Tuesday. Or Whatever. It’s Back. Yes, Again. Because Life is a Cycle.

I can tell when I need to purge because I literally can’t think straight. (Or manage a regular blog-posting schedule.) It’s a cycle I’ve hung on to for almost as long as I can remember. In elementary school it was my back pack and the cubby under my desk. In High School, it was my locker and my car (and still obviously my back pack.) In college? My film allotments were never tidy I guess. That, and by my senior year as I stormed feverishly towards early graduation, the organization of our girly apartment rivaled that of a frat house.

I started to feel it the strongest when I took the reigns of real life. In my first job I could easily equate the stress of work to the cleanliness of my house to the buzzing in my brain. And every few months I’d clean out my car, clean out my inbox (this was before it went virtual), clean up my room, and feel anew.

Last year, during the dog days of my post-postpartum fight (Year 2? Yes. Although I couldn’t have admitted it at the time) I knew I had to do something active in order to feel in control again. Plain ‘ol writing and talking about my feelings wasn’t cutting it.  And with no routine and no semblance of organization, shit was tokyo drifting, quite literally, out of control and fast. So I found SUPER BETH. And I started to purge. And I started to feel that weight that had become as familiar as gravity begin to lift.

But HOLY SHIT what an exercise in purging endurance this year has been.  There are a lot of pieces to pick up after a 20+ month depressive episode.  Self care, personal affairs, personal relationships…all things I feel like I’ve talked about ad nauseum, and yet all things that I still have to remain conscious of every.single.day as I try to bridge the gap that the imbalance-bomb that was my postpartum experience left behind.

Anyway, today?  I’m trying to stay ahead of the chaos.  I’m finally seeing the benefits of regular purging…understanding that just like my lower intestine can benefit from a metabolic detox every six months, SO CAN MY LIFE.  A wise woman once told me “Sometimes you have to make room for new opportunities…” and the more opportunities I unearth, the truer and truer that rings. {Okay fine, it was my therapist, but isn’t like SO embarrassing to quote your therapist?}

I’m in the midst of the greatest purge I’ve ever purged.  An everything-must-go kind of purge.  I want to simplify.  I want less, I want better, and I want visual and mental breathing room.  So everything that didn’t sell at that super-ultra-mega yard sale last weekend?  Get ready early birds of LA county, because this weekend we are going for YUPSTER YARD SALE PART DEUX.  (I’m calling it that because while my participating friends and I might look a little hipstery to some — we shower and have nicer stuff.)

The result?  The foggiest two weeks of mid-purge limbo I’ve ever experienced, but the sheer discomfort of it has motivated me to take care of a million other irritating loose ends, because well…if there’s going to be suffering, I might as well maximize in an attempt to minimize it, right?

So…are you purging?

{Also: I’m obviously trying out some new photo apps.  Will report back soon.}

Feed Me Seymour