One thing that I’m super thankful for this season is that my glorious sister-in-law is taking the heat on our families’ Turkey Day celebration this year, which has left me with plenty of time to fantasize about the holidays that come next. {Although I’m totally here if you need help Maeg! I make a mean bowl of mashed potatoes!} And by fantasize about, I mean stress out and worry about how in the hell our Christmas Tree (or Channukah Bush, as I sometimes like to call it to piss Scott off) and our toddler are supposed to coexist. And more specifically, how they’re supposed to coexist without a huge, gaudy, plastic tree gate that we wouldn’t even begin to know where to put in our 1100 square feet of total living space.
This is really only my 11th Christmas. It was all chinese take-out and holiday matinees until Scott came into my life (waaaaaay back when I was 17) and invited me to spend my very first Christmas with his family. I got psyched. I got so psyched in fact, that Scott had to tell me to get a hold of myself because apparently my excitement was ruining the order of Christmas. (Scott’s very orderly, in case the previously posted sign in my kitchen sink didn’t tip you off.) But I digress. I’m talking about this Christmas. And more importantly, this Christmas’ tree.
Since I was busy playing dreidel while all of the other kids were collecting their life-time supply of ornaments, we’ve only got Scott’s half of a collection. {Which I am totally not knocking, but…I’m kind of jealous. I want a little story behind each little figure we pull out too, y’know?) So, being the stand-up Jew that I am, I’ve taken it upon myself to try and make tracks as far as holding up my end of the ornament-collecting bargain is concerned. The first year we lived together, Scott had the flu in the weeks leading up to Christmas, and I’d been in Canada for months on end, so I ended up buying a really overpriced tree at the lot that’s now a stripmall on the corner of Melrose and Fairfax on Christmas Eve, picking over the last remaining ornaments at Rite Aid, and decorating my very first tree all by myself while Scott moaned and sweated out his fever on the couch. Deciding on the theme for our tree has sort of been my thing ever since. It makes me feel very wife-y, and Scott is always cool about unleashing me like a kid in a candy shop to pick out the supplementary ornaments to support each year’s motif.
Last year my funk kept me from really doing much of a holiday anything at all, so I’m getting an early start this year. I’ve decided to go all cloth and plastic and make us a baby-proof shatterproof X-Mas tree (complete with cool-to-the-touch LED lights…warm, because the regular ones make you feel like you’re in a New Jersey nightclub circa 1996.) And since I’ve been kind of blue from all the weaning and what not, and as you know, having the blues means I head for the red bullseye, I found some time in my busy food-poisoning-having schedule (more on that later) to troll Target for Dee-friendly decorations.
And boy did I find them.
Once I saw these guys, everything became clear. I went for ornaments that corresponded with the words/colors/animals Dee’s been working so hard to master, and hope to turn our tree into something fun where playing with the baubles we hang will not only be non-life-threatening but actually encouraged. {A few years ago, I would have gagged at the thought of all plastic ornaments, but this year I think it’s my best idea ever. Go figure.} It’s possible I may have gone a little over board. But man, do I love decorating for the holidays.
From left to right we’ve got ~ shatterproof ornaments (they have glitter so they’ll go up high, but at least there’s no danger if one slips off the tree…) and if you look closely, I picked up some ornament hooks with bells on them so I’ll be alerted if Miss Lady is trotting around with something she shouldn’t be. (Okay, that’s a stretch, but they’re cute, and I had to rationalize paying $4 for ornament hooks somehow.) In the middle there is just the coolest shiny plastic carousel pony I ever did see, complete with feathered headdress, and surrounded by pink and green shatterproof hearts (sold in packs of 6 for $2 a pop.) And finally, there’s our disco (read: vinyl gold and silver) tinsel, which I think I’m going to have to go back and get more of, because I am a freak for gold lame and kind of want to cover my entire house in it all year long. Don’t judge me.
Oh man. And how cute are these guys? All knit and adorable and squishy. And those snowmen up top are ornaments too ~ also squishy and with nothing hazardous attached. All in all, I think my premature holiday retail therapy was a success (plus, I totally deserved it because usually we wait until after Thanksgiving to shop for this stuff when the shelves are all picked over and I can never find enough of the things I want.) And plus also, I was really good. See all those awesome plastic goodies below? I wanted to buy all of them. But I only bought what’s pictured above. If that’s not a spectacular showing of self restraint, well then…I just don’t know. (I mean, seriously ~ how rad are those giant candies?)
And also? Girl…you better work.
P.S. I tried to find links to all those ornaments for you, but Target.com failed me hard. So know this: If you dig it – It’s all from Target. Now go forth (to your local store) and shop.
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