Purging: A Love Story.

{My fridge, Cleanse Day One.}

My borderline unhealthy obsession with purging is no secret.  Purgeday Thursday has covered everything from physical clutter to digital clutter to mental clutter to metabolic clutter, and I’ve learned a lot about you guys and how you like to get rid of (or not) your stuff (mental, physical, digital, and otherwise) in the process. And I’ve picked up a trick or two along the way. (I mean, beyond what we’ve learned from the encyclopedia of knowledge that is Super Beth.)

I’d heard of people declaring email bankruptsy to achieve that elusive Inbox Zero, but I never thought I’d actually do it.

And yet, seemingly unrelated, with my website popping on google searches about purging and cleansing and non-hording left and right, sometimes purging opportunities come to me. As was the case with the much talked about Blueprint Cleanse upon it’s arrival in LA (Whole Foods, Baby!). Five Days (six for me due to some technical difficulties) ALL JUICE ALL THE TIME. OMFG. Once I tried to do the master cleanse and I was ordering in dinner by hour 12. But the Blueprint Cleanse is different. It offers actual sustenance in the form on fresh pressed vegetable juice and cashew milk, and yes, cayenne pepper spiced lemonade with syrup, so once I got through the sugar withdrawals on the first day I felt full and awesome. Although the urge to chew never goes away. That’s kind of a human thing I think. I felt so good at the end of day one I actually decided to extend my cleanse to go for the full immune system benefits of letting my digestive tract take a nap.

And then, feeling really nice and purge-y, I marked some 1400 odd unchecked emails as read.

I know. If you’re quiet, you can almost hear Emily Post turning over in her grave.

Look, it’s not that I’m so popular I get so many emails from people wanting to be my email friends that I can’t possibly handle it all.  It’s more that SPAMMERS HAVE NO SHAME, and people will sell your published emails to totally unsuspecting marketers and then before you know it you are getting so many emails a day it has become LITERALLY THE LEAST EFFECTIVE WAY TO REACH YOU EVEN WORSE THAN SNAIL MAIL.

The moment I did it, I was elated. Like: INBOX ZERO; I HAZ IT.  And then, being the type of person who panics, I became gripped with the realization that there were probably TON of actual personal/work/necessary emails in there that I had just marked-unread into oblivion. And I started frantically trying to remember who was supposed to be emailing me about what, and scribbling down names, and returning emails at random that I had read on my iPhone, and generally freaking the fuck out.

Today, in the aftermath – after purging and rule-making, and smart-mailbox-creating, I’ve magically been able to handle my daily email load.  It’s glorious.  But I’ve also woken up with the sweats over something I totally blew as a result of the greatest digital purge I’ve ever purged. Here’s hoping that taking the plunge once was enough and I can keep my head above email water from here on in.  I’ll keep you posted.

And if you are waiting for me to respond to an email of yours, kindly consider forgiving my asshole-ness and resending it.

Anyway. Back to my physical cleansing. I went for the all-green-all-the-time plan because I wanted to go DEEP on this cleanse, but I might recommend breaking it up with their fruit juices because MAN that was a lot of green juice! Wanna try it? Blueprint Cleanse is offering readers and lurkers of The818 15% off their amazing fresh-pressed juices for the next three days if you enter the code BP818 at check out. (My advice, order your juice delivery as close to when you’ll drink and in as small of quantities as possible because it is SIGNIFICANTLY MORE DELICIOUS on days one and two after pressing. By day six, BPC recommends you flush it.) (Oh! More advice…I froze my lemonade and my cashew milk into popsicles a few times to give me something to chew on and that worked WONDERS!)

You guys. I haven’t eaten food since last Tuesday. You have no idea how excited I am for dinner tonight.

Feed Me Seymour