So, I have a pretty decrepit sense of self.   You might not know it from reading along, but I’m like, crazy self-conscious about everything I do.   I mean, I blog about my personal life on the public internet, so obviously I’ve got some kind of baggage, right?

If we met in person, and you asked me what I do for a living, I’d tell you I’m a writer.   I’ve waited a long time to say that with any sort of conviction, despite the fact that I’ve made my living solely from my writing since early 2008.  For a long time, I felt flushed with confusion and anxiety when someone would ask me the inevitable: “What do you write?”

I write screenplays.   But none that you’ve ever seen in the theater.   I write TV commercials.   But I can’t tell you which ones.   I write blog posts.   Okay, you guys have probably read a few of those.    But I don’t write magazine articles, or books, or anything tangible – the work I do isn’t always easily defined, and with my decrepit sense of self and all, it’s really difficult not to be able to point at something and say THIS.   THIS is what I write.   On the worst days, it leaves me feeling worthless.   {Yes, I know that’s crazy.   And yes, I’m working on it in therapy.}

That’s why the events of this week (well, the past few weeks) have been so meaningful to me.

One of the hardest parts of being a screenwriter is pitching.   Pitching, for those not familiar, is where I am forced to shower, get dressed, leave my house, travel out of the valley (unless I’m lucky enough to be going to Warner Brothers or Universal ~ praise be to The 818) and give a 20 minute song and dance about how I would write your movie better than the last guy, and why you should hire me to do it instead of the other guy.

People.   I’m a writer. I work from home.   I’m practically a recluse.   If I wanted to perform in front of an audience, I would have become a professional actor, or a motivational speaker, or some other thing that gives me the sweats just thinking about it.   Shudder.

So, with the emotional challenges I was faced with this year (that’s my politically correct term for going bat shit crazy) you can imagine how that particular element of my job became a special kind of nightmare for me.  When you live in a prison of anxiety, you don’t get holidays off for good behavior.  (Okay, terrible analogy, but you get the idea – I was a wreck on the days that I didn’t have important meetings.  Anxiety blows.)   But recently, I overcame that hurdle.  Under the tutelage of one of my movie-making heroes and his incredibly supportive executives I drove over that hill, walked right onto that studio lot and pitched my little heart out without breaking a sweat.   Regardless of whether or not I end up getting that gig, I nailed it in my own mind, and that was more a important milestone than I could possibly put into words.   [But that never stops me from trying.  Clearly.]

Then on Monday, THIS HAPPENED.  A screenplay that my partner Eric and I wrote together landed on the [un-officially official] “Most Liked Screenplays of 2010” list, aka The Black List.  {Not to be confused with The Hollywood Blacklist of the 1950’s, which was NOT a list writers wanted to be on.}  They like me, you guys.  They really like me. (I know, I know, I’m a humongous dork.)  Monday was a good day.

Also this week?  My first post as a BlogHer Contributing Editor went live.   My Oscar Predictions (which you should take with a grain of salt) are on the top of the homepage right now!   It makes me a little giddy to have a byline.

And this morning, as the cherry on top of a pretty awesome week – I opened my email to discover that I’ve been named one of Momversation’s 10 Fresh Voices of 2010.   Bad. Ass.  [CLICK HERE to see who else made the list.]  Momversation is a web series put on by an incredible group of writers and Moms, all of whom I hugely respect, so to be recognized by them has me pretty wild with joy.   {Still, it makes me giggle to be commended for my “Fresh Attitude”, because that’s exactly what my Dad would holler at me when I was…y’know…being a teenager. He did not mean it in a good way.}

A week I really needed.   Like, bad.   But that’s not even everything.   I haven’t even told you about the MOST IMPORTANT thing that happened this week.

On Monday morning at 12:00am I got a text from Sara that she was in labor.    From 4am on I sat by the birthing pool in her dining room and cheered her on as she labored into the morning…finally giving birth to her beautiful son Finn, born at home, December 13th at 7:49 am.    Sara was incredible.   Her strength through her labor was astounding, and getting to be there to watch one of my best friends in the world – my HLP – give birth to her second child in such an empowered environment was like…well – it was fucking mind blowing.

I’ll leave it at that, because Sara’s birth story is her own to tell, but Mama – you are incredible, and I’m in awe of you.

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So that’s where I’ve been this week.   AND… I have ANOTHER HUNDRED DOLLARS TO GIVE AWAY TO ONE OF YOU! And I’ll have $100 more on Monday.   So come back, okay?