I’m sitting at my desk alone laughing before I even type a single word of this post. I guess because I’m just really immature and also not at all squeamish about these things because hey…everyone poops, right?
When Cottonelle approached me to participate in their #LetsTalkBums campaign it was fresh on the heels of one of the most enlightening bathroom conversations I’d ever had in my life — the kind that can really only happen online because for some reason the inhibitions really hit the floor with internet friends — probably because you don’t have to look each other in the face that often. And obviously it would be rude for me to hang that carrot out there for you and not share the knowledge so brace yourselves, because a truth bomb is about to drop:
Did you know that there are (at least) two schools of butt wiping? It’s true. Some folks reach around the back [normal] and some folks reach right between their legs [weirdos].
Is your mind blown? That the other way exists? Or do you fall in to a third category entirely? See — how are we going to have these existential moments if we don’t talk about these things, you guys?
SO. It is with great giggling pleasure that I join the “Let’s Talk About Your Bum” conversation. First of all, I am definitely Pro-wiping. So that’s a no brainer. And y’know — many people like to use wet wipes in the bathroom, which I’m also for, because who doesn’t want to have a cleaner bunghole? But Cottonelle is officially challenging the notion of wet or dry in a toilet tissue. With the introduction of their decidedly grown up and flushable “cleansing cloths” the bathroom behemoth is suggesting that the best possible clean comes from using BOTH. A one two punch of booty cleaning if you will.
A few years ago a company I was working for made a documentary on a family of Surfers — 9 kids (8 male) who had been raised in an RV while surfing their way across the country with their parents, and while the family Patriarch was the more outspoken of the two, it was an interview with the family Matriarch that has always stuck with me. When talking about raising her massive brood in such a small space she reduced it to a single instruction she gave her children about keeping their private parts washed and clean above all else. An actual direct quote from the film? “We all had scrupulously clean assholes.” (The movie is called Surfwise, and you should totally check it out.)
Anyway, I’m not just trying to be gross. That interview with Juliette Paskowitz changed my bathroom routine forever. And now Cottonelle and the hilarious Cherry Healy are on a mission to change yours.
A big thanks to Cottonelle for sponsoring this campaign and giving me an excuse to use the word bunghole in a blog post.
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